Yonhap News Agency Article:
“Mom, I Don’t Blame You. Please Meet Me”…Tearful Plea From Adoptee Battling Cancer.
Posted to Paperslip on October 1st, 2025.
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[Life] “Mom, I Don’t Blame You. Please Meet Me”…Tearful Plea From Adoptee Battling Cancer
Category: Life
Published: 2025-09-30 06:01 KST
Summary in 3 Lines:
“I was adopted to the Netherlands at age two and separated again at thirteen.”
“I’m thankful to my Korean birth mother for giving me life.”
Interview with a woman in her 40s adopted from Korea.
Editor's Note:
This interview with a woman in her 40s, adopted to the Netherlands at age 2, was conducted via social media. Due to the volume of content, the article is divided into two parts. This is the first part, focusing on the difficulties of her adoptive life. The second part, to be published after the holiday, will include her opinions on the structural problems within the adoption system. For privacy reasons, the interviewee’s real name and current face are not disclosed.
Image Caption:
A childhood photo of the interviewee in the Netherlands
[Provided by herself]
📰 Article Body:
SEOUL (Yonhap News) – Reporter Yoon Geun-young
“I was adopted to the Netherlands as a baby, but separated from my adoptive parents at age 13. It was effectively a forced expulsion. From age 16, I had to live independently. Life was hard, and above all, it was lonely. I had to grow up too fast—shopping, cooking, doing laundry, paying rent, and juggling school and work.
Seeing peers live normal, stable lives with their families made things even more painful. Holidays like Christmas were always especially lonely. Sometimes, I lost my room and had to wander looking for a new place. I once looked through a snow-covered window and saw a family gathered inside, warm together. In that moment, my life felt like a scene from a tragic movie.
I even thought about dying. But those experiences made me stronger and more resilient.”
This is the story shared by a Korean-born woman in her 40s, adopted to the Netherlands, in an interview with Yonhap News.
She was adopted in 1982 at age two, but at age 13, she was effectively expelled from her adoptive home. Her strong academic performance and outgoing personality may have contributed to conflict with her adoptive mother.
After leaving home, she lived in protective facilities and foster homes, and from age 16, she lived independently, working part-time while studying.
Despite all this, she graduated from the University of Amsterdam on her own and is now in her mid-40s, desperately searching for her birth mother in Korea.
She knows her birth mother is alive but doesn’t know her exact address or contact information. Both the National Center for the Rights of the Child (NCRC) and the adoption agency have refused to disclose this.
Dr. Ryu Dong-ik, a social welfare scholar and co-director of FPF (Find Parents Family), an organization that helps adoptees find family, stated:
“This woman is currently battling ovarian cancer. She’s terrified that her health may prevent her from ever meeting her birth mother, which makes her search even more desperate.”
Dr. Ryu added:
“She requested help from the NCRC to meet her mother, but they refused. The NCRC is an institution that could enable a mother-daughter reunion if they had the will to do so.”
“We sincerely hope the NCRC and relevant authorities take swift action so she can meet her mother soon.”
“Investigate Human Rights Violations in Overseas Adoption Process”
Overseas adoptees and representatives from domestic and international organizations staged a protest on April 10, 2025, in front of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission office in Jung-gu, Seoul, calling for a full investigation into the overseas adoption process. They urged the Commission to complete investigations and deliver findings for the remaining 311 cases of Korean adoptees sent abroad between the 1960s and 1990s, within its current term.
[Yonhap News Photo]
Letter to My Korean Birth Mother
To Mrs. Choi, my mother,
I have never met you, but you have always had a place in my heart.
I want to know who you are, what kind of life you’ve lived, and how you’re doing now.
I was born in Korea and adopted overseas at a young age.
Even as I grew up in a foreign land, a part of my heart always remained with Korea—and with you.
Now, I am an adult, and I want to find my roots and learn about my family’s story.
Mother, I have already found your other child—my younger brother, born in 1983, Park [name omitted].
We are planning to come to Korea next March to find you.
Please open your heart and meet us.
I sincerely hope you don’t avoid us out of shame or fear.
We will approach you with respect and care.
If your husband or daughter is unaware of this part of your past, we will act with discretion.
Mother, God is good.
If you are a woman of faith, I hope you can trust in God’s providence and surrender this process to Him.
I believe God will lead our meeting.
I hold no resentment toward you.
I am grateful to you for giving me life.
I hope and pray that your life improves, that you are healthy, and that you are happy.
I love you, Mother.
📷 Image Caption:
The interviewee as a baby shortly after being adopted to the Netherlands
[Photo provided by interviewee]
Q&A Section
Q: When and to which country were you adopted?
A: I was born in 1980 and adopted to the Netherlands in April 1982.
Q: Why were you put up for adoption?
A: My parents were young and unmarried at the time. They were not financially secure.
My mother was 16 or 17 when she gave birth to me. She moved to my father’s family home in the countryside to give birth, and she cared for me there for about a year. Around November 1981, she returned to Seoul, leaving me behind.
Afterward, my paternal grandmother and aunt decided to send me for adoption, believing it would give me a better future.
My parents then went on to live separate lives.
Now, both my father and mother have their own families. I’ve heard that my mother married and lives with a daughter who was born in the 1980s.
Q: What were your adoptive parents like?
A: They were ordinary and sincere people. They already had three adopted daughters.
My adoptive mother was a deeply religious housewife who valued order and cleanliness.
My adoptive father was a diligent middle-class man.
However, they were not fully prepared from the beginning, so my childhood through young adulthood was filled with difficulties.
Still, over time, we repaired our relationship, and now we have a warm and stable connection.
📷 Photo Caption:
The interviewee in her adoptive home in the Netherlands
[Photo provided by the interviewee]
Q: What is your current health condition?
A: In February of this year, I learned that I had a tumor in my body. Since then, I’ve undergone surgery to remove tumors from my ovaries and abdomen. I recently completed my third surgery safely. Currently, everything has been cleared, and I’m scheduled to have regular checkups every three months moving forward.
Q: What do you do for work now?
A: I work as a freelance policy advisor in the arts and culture sector. I also collaborate with various local governments.
Q: Are you married?
A: I live with a partner. I have two teenage children.
Q: When did you start searching for your birth parents?
A: After becoming an adult, I felt a desire to learn about my roots, family history, and my parents’ story. I also wanted to connect with Korea’s cultural heritage and better understand my own identity.
📷 Photo Caption:
Korean babies being flown to the U.S. for adoption on a chartered plane
From the Holt Children's Services archive, 1950–2000. [Provided by the National Archives of Korea]
Q: What was your life like as an adoptee?
A: It was far from simple. I was a child who adapted well to new environments and found joy in learning. However, my relationship with my adoptive mother was always difficult and tense. Perhaps it was because she couldn’t see herself in me.
I was a lively and curious child. From elementary school, I achieved high test scores. My school recommended I attend a prestigious secondary school, but my adoptive mother sent me to a lower-ranked one instead. Her reasoning was that all her adopted daughters had to follow the same path.
During adolescence, the conflict deepened, and my adoptive mother kicked me out of the house. As a result, at the age of 13, I ended up in a girls’ shelter in Amsterdam. I later moved into a foster home, and by the age of 16, I had to live independently.
Q: You said your adoptive mother couldn’t see herself in you—what do you mean by that?
A: We were very different in temperament. I was energetic, creative, and multi-talented. My adoptive mother valued calmness, discipline, and restraint. Even in the smallest things—my appearance, scent, the way I behaved—I felt foreign to her.
Typically, parents find similarities between themselves and their children, building a sense of connection. But my adoptive mother seemed unable to find any such link in my personality or temperament. Because of this, I often felt like I was seen as an intruder in the family—someone who didn’t belong.
In the Protestant atmosphere of the Netherlands in the 1980s, I was expected to be quiet and not stand out. I felt pressure not to excel or shine too brightly.
📷 Photo Caption:
The interviewee during her childhood in the Netherlands
[Photo provided by the interviewee]
Q: What exactly do you mean by “tense relationship” with your adoptive mother?
A: There was no physical abuse, but emotional tension was constant. I was frequently scolded. There was much criticism, little recognition, and a general sense of mistrust.
Sometimes, situations spiraled completely out of control. For example, once I was wrongly accused of something I didn’t do, slapped, and then dragged down the stairs by my hair. That was a painful incident—though not something that happened regularly.
My adoptive mother rarely showed affection. Her care took the form of scheduled meals, ironed clothes, and a tidy home. At mealtimes and during the evening news, we were not even allowed to speak. I always felt on edge at home.
She often mentioned the cost of adoption and the wording in the adoption documents, which made me feel like a child “purchased with money.” She would sometimes refer to me as a “failed adoption project.”
When I proudly showed her a drawing I made at school, she brushed it aside without a word. I was also a talented gymnast—my coaches wanted to recommend me for national competitions—but my adoptive mother said, “That’s not possible.” She never encouraged me or came to watch me train.
📰 "Adoption Records Are Our History — They Must Not Be Damaged"
On July 23, 2025, in front of a cold storage logistics center in Goyang, Gyeonggi Province, Adoptees gathered to demand proper management of adoption records. Many participants were adoptees who had traveled from countries like the U.S. and the Netherlands.
[Photo by journalist Kim Byung-man]
Q: Were you afraid to be separated from your family again at age 13?
A: I was very afraid. But staying at home was not an option. The conflict had already spiraled out of control, and my adoptive mother did not reverse her decision. The Dutch child protection agency also recommended separation. Being transferred to a girls' protection facility in Amsterdam was a deeply traumatic experience. I felt an overwhelming sense of loss, as if I were mourning the death of my family all over again.
Q: Are you saying your adoptive mother forced you out of the house?
A: It was essentially a forced eviction. After a heated argument, she told me to leave. The next day, all my personal belongings had already been packed into bags and boxes by her. I stayed temporarily at a friend’s house, and the child protection agency began its investigation. A counseling agency, where one of my adoptive sisters was receiving therapy, gave me an extremely unfair assessment — labeling me as the “instigator and terrorist” of all family conflict. That made the situation much worse.
📷 Photo Caption:
University of Amsterdam
[Screenshot from social media]
Q: Was it difficult to continue school and daily life after leaving home?
A: I kept going to school, but my life was unstable. I moved between shelters and foster homes. Sometimes I had nowhere to go and wandered the streets for several days. I experienced poverty, and I always lived with loneliness and anxiety. But studying helped keep me grounded. I was admitted to the University of Amsterdam and majored in sociology and education. Academic life helped me better understand the world and laid the foundation for my future. Studying became my anchor and protection.
Q: What were your relationships with friends like at school?
A: I sometimes felt lonely, but I genuinely enjoyed learning. I didn’t have many friends, but I kept up with schoolwork easily. In elementary school, I was seen as a bright student, and the teachers recognized my intellectual curiosity.
Q: You mentioned being recommended for a higher-level secondary school — what kind of school was it?
A: Based on my elementary school grades and national test results, my teachers recommended I attend VWO (pre-university education, the highest level of secondary education in the Netherlands). But my adoptive mother sent me to MAVO (a mid-level general secondary education track) like her other daughters.
Q: Did this decision by your adoptive mother lead to conflict and eventually to you leaving the home?
A: Her attitude was definitely a major factor. She was not well-prepared for the realities of adoption. My personality and abilities weren’t respected, and that led to ongoing conflict and eventually our separation.
Q: What was it like living independently?
A: From the age of 16, I had to support myself. I received a small orphan’s pension. I worked part-time jobs while studying — in the afternoons and evenings at a telemarketing company, at night sorting mail, and on weekends in stores or restaurants. Sometimes I missed school because of work. With the money I earned, I rented a small room and paid for my living expenses and tuition.
📷 Photo Caption:
2025 First Adoption Policy Committee Meeting
Health and Welfare Minister Jeong Eun-kyung (second from right) speaks at the meeting held on September 17 at the National Center for the Rights of the Child in Seoul.
[Provided by Ministry of Health and Welfare]
Q: What was the most painful part of being adopted?
A: The separation from my adoptive family and the loneliness during childhood. I always felt like I didn’t fully belong — neither to Dutch society nor to a family structure. The experience of losing a family all over again when I was placed in a protective facility left deep emotional scars.
Q: What brought you the most joy?
A: Despite everything, there were people who believed in me and supported me. The kind friends and adults I met in life became like family to me. Their presence helped me survive and gave me strength to go on. Above all, the birth of my children is my greatest joy and the reason for my life.
Q: Who were these kind friends and adults that supported you?
A: Some people embraced me as if I were family and protected me. There was a school principal who believed in me until the end, and a vice principal who understood my frequent absences and didn’t suspend me. The mother of a friend let me stay at their house for a year and a half when I was between 14 and 16.
The mother of my first boyfriend treated me like a daughter and was kind to me even after we broke up. She passed away this year. Two lifelong friends, C and P, are still like family to me today.
📨 Contact: keunyoung@yna.co.kr